Where is daddy Part 1

I didn't get saved until I was 20. Growing up my dad was never involved in my life. We were in the same room but might as well been miles apart. My mom was my best friend as well as a great mother. She taught me how to be tough. I have her attitude. I smoked pot when I was 12 but soon after, I separated myself from the friend who introduced me to it. I was smart but lazy. I thought I was dumb but had ADHD. I didn't graduate until I was 20. No one checked on me through school, so I never did homework. I did enough in school to get me by and eventually graduate. I didn't have a male role model so I didn't know how to be a man. I joined the Marines in 1984 and got out in `88. I was a mess the whole time I was in. I did manage to understand what work was. When I got out,  I couldn't keep a job. I got bored with them. I married and had 2 boys, Cody and Cory. I wasn't a very good father to them and rarely here from Cory and never from Cody. I didn't know how to treat my wife and eventually we divorced. I remarried and had twin boys but still struggled to be a good dad and husband. My 2nd wife divorced me and I never see my twins. During that time, I started to go to Promise Keepers and talk to preachers. I met Melissa and we have been together almost 8 years. It has been rocky, I won't lie, but I try to treat her like a princess. She is a good woman. Sometimes I feel, at 53 yrs old, I wasted most of my life. I want to serve God. I've messed over a lot of people through the years. I know I can't get that back but if I can help someone in need. I don't know how much life I have left but I have to make the best of it and be a servant to the Lord. I was a correction officer for awhile and when the inmates would ask why I was friendly to them, I said because I'm not any better than you. I could have been easily been in their shoes.